He is jealous for me

July 17, 2009 at 10:12 am (Uncategorized)

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

 

i never could’ve dreamed all of this. i’m creative and have an extremely active imagination, but never could i have come up with all of this. what an unbelievable time this has been.

but oh, what an unbelievable week this has been. i feel as though i’m finally on the flipside. or at least reach a high part of this mountain i’ve found myself on.

my heart isn’t whole by any means. but for the first time, i think pieces are coming together. i feel the logical part of me taking over, and my confidence returning. it has been such a slow process…quite honestly, i didn’t think the days would ever feel sunny again. but they do…they feel so bright and open. psalm 18 says the Lord reaches down and pulls out of the raging waters and sets us in a wide and open place. when i close my eyes, i no longer remember the raging waters…i think about the incredible pasture of peace He set me in. i can see forever no matter which what i’m turned. i read hebrews 12 today and was so enraptured by “throwing off every hindrance and the sin that so easily entangles”…i cannot come up with a better word to describe myself other than free. i am free. i am free from hindrances and sin that so easily entangles and mediocrity. i put my dreams on a shelf a long time ago…in hopes that i’d make new ones with someone. and now, i’m dusting off those dreams and finding that they’re too small. i was also in habakkuk (i read a lot today..) and kept thinking that if it says in 1:5 that He is doing things in the nations that i cannot begin to imagine…then He is so much bigger than what i have been dreaming.

i’ve left that place. and i won’t go back. and i finally feel like maybe i’ll find home again. and like maybe i’ll find normal again. and like perhaps, one day soon, i’ll wake up and be me again. just a better, stronger, Godlier me.

i can’t wait for tomorrow. and the next day. but right now, i’ll dwell on who He is and who He is making me to be.