words without meaning

August 17, 2008 at 10:27 am (Uncategorized)

I am apathetic. And irritable. Its a funny combination.

I went to Arby’s the other night on my way home from Adair. I ordered a wrap and asked them to leave off the onions and tomatoes. (I don’t like fast food veggies…they aren’t real) I pulled up to the window and waited. And waited. And waited. I was trying to figure out what was taking so long…then I noticed the guy with my wrap. He had unrolled it and was pulling off the onions and tomatoes (they come pre-made, apparently). He rolled it back up…which is a loose term…by “roll” I mean folded two sides over. Did he make the ends all nice and neat? no. Did he fold all 4 sides in so nothing falls out? No. Did I say anything? No. I just got my wrap, fixed the ends, and suffered through. Ironically, for all the trouble he went to, there were still a lot of onions. I was just irritable enough to convince myself to file a corporate complaint…but apathy won over and I ate my onions and drove home.

I have writer’s block. Or something. Or maybe my previous non-writer’s block was just a fluke and I really don’t have writing skills. I just can’t think. Normally, thinking involves writing. If I think, I write. If I need to think, I write. If I want to stop thinking, I write. Writing solves problems. Except now. Now I can’t stop thinking, but I can’t make myself write. And when I do write, it ends up being a sad, plethora of words describing how I can’t write. Which is, of course, writing…it just isn’t GOOD writing.

Its been one of those years. For the last 12 months, I haven’t written. I don’t have deep thoughts, my wisdom has left me, and I just take things as they come. I used to attack the world…now I just live in it. Its weird. Maybe I’m getting old.

This has not been a good writing session. In fact, reading what I’ve written makes me cringe. But, I’ll keep doing it. If I could do anything with my life, I would write words for a living. I would take all my thoughts and put them on paper in such a way that people would want to read them. So, I’ll keep writing. I’ll write about trips to Arby’s, my apathy, and my lack of writing skills until someday I find something meaningful to write about.

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August 14, 2008 at 8:16 am (Uncategorized)

i miss writing.  and Jesus.  and california.  and playing pool.

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