so close

January 20, 2007 at 11:32 am (Uncategorized)

it’s been 9 years.

somehow, i never thought i’d make it this far, and i certainly never envisioned this.  i guess i thought i’d figure it out.  i’m learning that walking in faith isn’t something you figure out, per sey, but it is something you pursue.  when you don’t have the faith to act, you act anyway and ask God to provide it.

sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever figure this whole Jesus thing out or if its one of those things where i end up standing in the same place forever…but everytime i open my eyes things look a little different because my perception changes.

i’m learning that the will of God is beautiful…beautifully crafted to meet each need and to mold every desire into something He can satisfy.  how can i expect Him to fulfill an expectation that wasn’t from Him in the first place?  delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.  the more intuned i am with God and His desire for my life, the more His desires become my own.  its easy to be satisfied when i’m on the same page as my Creator.

perhaps i’ll never “get it”…perhaps i’ll constantly stumble and stagger…but maybe my faith will grow and strengthen.  and maybe i’ll come up a bit more refined each time i fall.

i’m a bit closer than i was 9 years ago.  salvation is an experience, sanctification is a process…apparently a long one.  my challenge for this year?  to fight the apathy, find my passion, and live gloriously.


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grace will erase all the stains

January 17, 2007 at 12:04 pm (Uncategorized)

…you and your children take them seriously and come back
to God, your God, and obey him with your whole heart and
soul according to everything that I command you today,
God, your God, will restore everything you lost; he’ll have
compassion on you; he’ll come back and pick up the pieces
from all the places where you were scattered. No matter
how far away you end up, God, your God, will get you out
of there and bring you back to the land your ancestors
once possessed.
Deuteronomy 30:2-4 (The Message)

There is something about being iced in my house for days on end that forces me to think thru my life.  The last few days have allowed me to quietly ponder the opportunities and lessons that life has thrown at me recently.

Tonight, I made some life changing decisions…the kind of decisions that are hard and painful…but so worth it.  I’m looking forward to seeing what God does, but I must admit, I am not looking forward to the steps that must be taken.  God is in control.  I must remember that.

There are pieces of me scattered everywhere…pieces of my heart that I allowed to be discarded so easily.  Pieces of my innocence that were stolen despite how tightly I held on or how long I tried to forget.  Pieces of darkness that try relentlessly to find their way home back to a heart that longs to be holy and pure…and yet continues to battle the same wickedness and depravity that have held it hostage for far too long.

Somehow, grace always leads me home.  Grace is here every morning and stays every night…it is the land that has been promised–it just waits to be claimed.  Some people claim it once and consider it their’s forever…others must claim it repeatedly.

I am here.  I will obey Him with my whole heart and my whole soul and I choose to follow Him as He leads me.  But someday, Lord, I hope to return to the land my ancestors posess.  And someday, I hope to posses the same grace they do.

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January 14, 2007 at 6:51 pm (Uncategorized)


Wait for the light to fade
In hopes of hiding all these things

Push thru the darkened pain
Constantly yearning to see His face

I don’t know where I should go
I don’t know who to show
All these things deep inside of me
I can’t find a place to step
That guarantees me no regret
Right or left, Jesus, I don’t know

Look where you’ve been before
Aching to safely close that door

Move onto greater things
Believing that grace will erase all stains

I don’t know where I should go
I don’t know who to show
All these things deep inside of me
I can’t find a place to step
That guarantees me no regret
Right or left, Jesus, I don’t know

I will wait for You to lead me
I will wait for You to be my strength
I will take Your hand and let You lead me home
As You calmly whisper to me

I know where you should go
I know Who to show
All those things deep inside of you
I can find a place to step
That guarantees you no regret
Right or left, I’m Jesus and I know

Move onto greater things
Believing that grace will erase all stains

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passing by

January 9, 2007 at 8:07 am (Uncategorized)

i am writer by nature.

let me clarify a few things about that comment:
1) i am, by no means, claiming to be a good and/or great writer.
2) by “writing” i mean anything that is written and edited before a reader enters the picture.

so, i am a writer by nature.  i am better with words when i can write what i’m thinking, edit out the crap, and get to the heart of what i’m attempting to say.  i have a hard time forming complete thoughts that make sense to everyone and i can’t seem to get those thoughts out with unneccessary words (extra adjectives, prepositions,etc.).  every so often, i get to a point where i can’t even make sense when i’m writing.  apparently, i’m at that point.

i’m learning the concept of seizing opportunities and the art of letting go and how to find the wisdom to choose which one to do. patience truly is a virtue…whether that is in walking away or thinking before i speak.

today, i am struck by the pain involved in new life.  down the road, a woman is praying life into her precious son.  only miles away, a woman is ending new life and praying that her’s continues as normal.  it is sadly ironic that life has been so cruel to each woman…in completely different ways.  some circumstances are brought upon ourselves, and others are uncontrollable.

today, i pray for wisdom.  wisdom in knowing when to speak and when not to.  wisdom in knowing what to say when i do speak and what to keep to myself.  and wisdom in knowing when the best thing to do is look away as the opportunity is passing by.

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