wedding bells and ruffled dresses

October 29, 2006 at 2:40 pm (Uncategorized)

i did it.  i finally gave in.  “to what?” you may ask–to the process of locating everything necessary to be a successful bridesmaid.

i am at the point where everyone i know is getting married (or has already gotten married and fallen off the face of the earth).  i’m in 2 weddings in the next eight months (both of which are 2000 miles away) and i’m on the list for 3 more…whenever those happen.  i’m not great with the whole wedding thing.  i am pretty good as a spectator:  i tear up when the bride walks in, watch the groom’s face, and smile to myself when its all over…you know, typical girl stuff.  but being in the wedding?  not great for me.  i’m not good in dresses.  or high heels.  or up-dos.  i tend to trip.

so i took myself to the store today…i had get my dress at least 8 weeks before the wedding (i’m pushing it) so they can alter it.  then i had to look for shoes.  i hate tall shoes.  i feel freakish in heels…and i’m the tallest one in the first wedding.  i warned the bride, “bob, they aren’t even going to see you.  i’ll be towering over and they won’t be able to take their eyes of the 6 foot girl in 5-inch stilettos with the thick neck (we’re required to have our hair up) and fly-aways.  you’re going to be sorry you asked me to do this.”

 

but, not to worry.  i succeeded in finding the perfect shoe (with a 1″ heel):

i will leave the hairstyle and tanning package to your imagination.  and the dress…perhaps i’ll do some post-wedding pictures (pun fully intended).

i’m wedding-ed out.

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beauty for ashes

October 25, 2006 at 11:19 pm (Uncategorized)

tonight, i felt beautiful.  not the outside kind (although i do love wearing scarves), but the graceful kind.

i have spent the last 3 days in high schools…meeting, inviting, etc.  tuesday morning, God spoke to me.  i didn’t pick up on the words, but i felt Him turn my heart.  He showed me why He has me here, doing these things, and where He wants me to go.  He showed me His next step.

beauty isn’t about who does or doesn’t want me, or love me, or think i’m funny, or want to be around me.  it isn’t about everything on the outside, or even the stuff on the inside–hopes, wishes, plans–it is about being who God created me to be.  it is about seeing myself the way God sees me: graceful.  tonight, i was never more aware of God’s redemptive grace than when i looked up and saw a nine-year old girl, hand raised, asking Christ into her heart.  who am i to be so privileged to see such a divine, life-changing moment?  i am no one; but in Him, i am grace.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:1-3

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nostalgia

October 21, 2006 at 2:23 pm (Uncategorized)

things are bad when i don’t have time to write.

i am fairly predictable these days….you can find me 1 of 4 places: work, class, barnes & noble, or reverend jugheads.  i like predictability.  it breeds security.  and trust.  those things are nice.

i have played a lot of pool this week.  i played a lot when i lived in california…there was a pool hall on campus (hello, california) that was open all night.  it was on the upper level of the SUB and it was always quiet at night.  katie and i played pool all week.  we were always guaranteed to run into someone random…somedays it was peter or kawasaki david, other days we’d stumble upon another NCMO couple (we’d cough really loud so as to ruin the moment, and go on with our business).  we were “roommates” that year and every good idea seemed to come to us at the same time.  we would look at each other and say, “pool?” and we’d grab our shoes, play a few games, run around the track 4-5 times, shower, and end the evening with an episode or two of friends.  needless to say, we were the least stressed people on campus (most days).

i don’t make the time for those things anymore…life sped up and i sped up with it.  it is funny, though…i still love to run and i still love to play pool.  i have slowly been putting my priorities in order and figuring out what i want, but i still find myself missing my “roommate,” the life i had, and that little pool hall.

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the arraignment

October 11, 2006 at 10:33 pm (Uncategorized)

it all started about 10 days ago…i had lunch with 2 of my girls and dropped them off at union highschool.  i let my mind wander and pulled out of the parking lot onto mingo.  i didn’t realize that i was in a school zone (the flashing lights escaped mynotice).  so i floored it…i maxed out at 36 mph…for the last 10 feet of the school zone.  i’m a dare-devil…what can i say.
i was 2 blocks down the road, in the turn lane, when i realized that a cop was tailing me with his lights on.  my first thought was”seriously, what is he doing?”  he pulled me over, we chatted for a minute, he sent me to court, and i told him to have a great day (he was very nice, i liked him).
this morning, i put on my red shoes and headed to court.  i’m not sure what i was expecting, but i was shocked by the jury box, the whole “all rise” thing, and the real judge (the honorable judge).  he explained the concept of an arraignment, jail time, and plea bargains.  he said “if your penalty is jail time, don’t plead guilty.  plead not-guilty and get a lawyer.”  (good advice)  once i got up there, he explained that the maximum penalty for my crime (yes, crime) was 30 days in jail and a $500 fine.  i almost passed out.  two thoughts came to mind “i do not have an extra pair of underwear” and “i’m going to get fired from the church for going to jail.”
an hour later, i was popping excedrin and dropping a $250 check at the cashier’s window.  by far, the most expensive morning of my life…however, i can confidently say that there is no safer driver on the road.  today, i vowed to quit speeding and to pay more attention when i drive (attention to driving…not everything else).  i even turned my music down (sorry mr. martin).

i feel like i need to salute a flag and pledge my allegiance.
go sit in a court room and talk about going to jail…life-changing, i tell you.

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close range

October 9, 2006 at 10:49 am (Uncategorized)

a small piece of my conversation with God this weekend:

“let go”
“let go of what, God?”
“let go”
“oh, that. what, exactly, does letting go entail?”
“let go”
“but, i don’t want to let go”
“let go”
“but i’m not ready”
“let go”
“okay. but God, do You understand?”
“I’ve kept track of your every toss and turn through the sleepless nights; each tear entered in my ledger, each ache written in my book.” (psalm 56:8)

letting go has been a theme in my life lately…obviously.  as our church prepares to take its next step, the Lord has been showing me some areas that i have kept to myself.  for years, God has woken me up in the middle of the night to tell me something.  these days, He isn’t so much waking me up as He is keepingme up.  it is as though He is wearing me down slowly…waiting until i come to the point where i am utterly desperate for Him to speak.  i am prepared for what He has to say, and i know the subject; perhaps, i am not ready to hear His answer.  i am learning that i must let go of my pride, hopes, and desires in everything–family, friends, relationships–so that i am completely dependent on Him.  i cannot do this alone.  ministry is not an accomplishment.  ministry happens when we come to term with our own shortcomings, acknowledge our need for grace, and allow God to work thru us.  everything else must be secondary to the calling God has placed on my life.  if i delight myself in the Lord, He will give me the desires of my heart.

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