March 29, 2006 at 8:30 pm (Uncategorized)

I wish I had something deep to say…but I don’t think I do.

I went to a funeral today…for a 9 year old girl. That seems like such a contradicting statement. No parent should have to bury a child…or even come close to it. It felt surreal…watching a family I hardly know deal with that kind of grief. Part of me wanted to cry with them, but it seemed as though I might be intruding.

I went to Gap at Utica Square today. I saw Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood. That pretty much made my week. I had even been listening to his CD in the car….ironic. I didn’t freak out, or anything. I just looked for some pants.

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March 19, 2006 at 3:50 am (Uncategorized)

God is funny. Sometimes, I look at my life, or what He is teaching me, and I laugh out loud. I did tonight. Two months ago, I walked out of St. Francis, never wanting to go back. Tonight, I stood in an elevator, sanitizing my hands, and thinking of what a joy it is to work here.

My passion in life is to lead people to Christ. It is an addiction…an obsession. However, I tend to lose sight of the importance of reaching the world quickly. Working in a place where people are constantly dying has brought that urgency back. Seven people die every second…600,000 people a day (statistic courtesy of a good friend).

My anxiety level is still at an all-time high….however, the Lord is teaching me to be content in every situation. I have never felt more calm…I know only the next step, but I am confident that step is the Lord’s direction. It may be true that I am the blessed person to ever have lived. It is funny that the Lord reiterates His grace by allowing me to know someone else’s.

I encourage you to buy a sudoku book.

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March 17, 2006 at 11:40 am (Uncategorized)

I need a less eventful life…this is not good for my anxiety level.

Yesterday, I was scheduled at St. Francis. I had to be there by 6:30, so I took my scrubs to work. I hadn’t ever worn this pair of pants…I got them from a friend, but never tried them on. So, I changed into them, and realized my trunk has a little bit more junk in it than hers. So, I attempted to stretch the pants out by squatting…and, yes, they ripped. So, I thought to myself, “I do a lot of manual labor, I can’t hide this rip in my pants.” So, I drove to the The Uniform Shoppe. They closed at 6, and I walked in the door at 5:59. This little old man was working, and I had to explain the rip (and its unfortunate location) and have him help me find pants. It was an ORDEAL…they didn’t have my size, so I ended up with too short, too big scrub pants.

Then, I got to St. Francis (a bit nervous), and thought to myself, “I hope I remember how to do this.” I got peed on. By a woman. I did not react well.

And, I almost died this morning. Literally. The only thought I could muster was, “Stay straight and brake.” My daddy saved my life.

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March 7, 2006 at 1:15 pm (Uncategorized)

The last 24 hours have been the most enlightening hours of my life.

Some things I learned (in no particular order):

a. The wrong “they” aren’t always people.

b. I never was good with peer pressure (and as of 11:32am 3-7-06, I succumbed to that pressure and created a gmail account, courtesy of Laura..and it may be the coolest thing ever).

c. Sometimes the cost is high, but the results can be worth it.

d. The Lord will equip me to fulfill this calling—it is by grace I have been saved, not of myself, lest I should boast about the skills I think I have. I am called according to His purpose, and all things will work together for His good.

e. God is bigger than my intentions, stronger than my weaknesses, and holier than my wicked heart.

f. My handwriting, and its quality, is directly affected by time of day and type of pen.

g. Crying isn’t awful…it “washes the windows of our souls” and creates a much needed vulnerability in us. Laugh with those who laugh, mourn with those who mourn, and rejoice with those who rejoice.

h. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who inspire me to love God more, know God more, and serve God more.

i. I do, in fact, derive great joy out of wearing flip flops.

j. I am beautiful, in spite of my past…that is called grace.

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
Psalm 34:3-5

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March 2, 2006 at 5:05 pm (Uncategorized)

One of my biggest fears is being lost. This last October, I spent some time in California and went to one of those Corn Mazes. I hated every minute of it. I walked around in circles, each time coming back to the same spot. No matter how many times I circled it, I could not find my way out. I finally stood still until Bethany found me. She had already found the exit, and came back to lead me out.

Never has that concept been more applicable than right now. I feel as though I am constantly walking circles around my shame. There are moments when my past seems far away, but mostly, it feels as though I am in the midst of every bad decision I have ever made. The only thing that keeps me going is a belief that someday this circle will end.

I am slowly learning that I need to sit down, right where I am, and wait for the Lord to lead me out. It doesn’t matter where I have been, or even where I am now….He will find me. I fear what I think I will see in His eyes and it keeps me from looking up at all…so I continue to walk in the path my feet have already laid out for me. Jesus found the exit, prepared the way, and is waiting for me to take His hand, and His grace, and follow.

You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.
I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
Psalm 18:36-37

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