December 30, 2005 at 8:50 am (Uncategorized)

I do not like it, Sam I am, I do not like green eggs and ham.

Had I been able to find extra energy last night, I would have thrown the big pink hospital into the Lake of Fire. It has been a long time since we’ve been that busy. Everyone was on red, and all beds were full. What a night, what a night. I tend to be fairly mellow, especially at work. Ironically (not the good kind), I ended up being scheduled with 3 of the most high strung people I have ever met. They were constantly giving me things to do, all the while running about yelling their high-pitched yells.
However, I fell madly in love last night with the sweetest man I’ve ever known. He is an adorable, 90 year old man who is really only half of a person (meaning there is only half of him there, not that he is half human being, and half something else). He had a very rough night last night, and the poor guy was in a lot of pain, but he said ‘thank you’ every time. I never cease to be amazed at how wonderful and gracious some people are, even though life is hard. It reminded me of how selfish I am, and how much I have to learn about loving people.

I’m off to catch a few hours of sleep, then run some errands so I can leave this afternoon for my grandparents. I am actually looking forward to a nice quiet weekend (well…not quite weekend–more like nice quiet 24 hour stay).

I heard from April–the Egypt team arrived safely, and are hard at work. Lift them up in prayer this week. Something huge is taking place, and this is only the beginning. The Lord is at work in the Middle East, and He is using the people we love. Check for updates on their xanga.

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December 27, 2005 at 4:45 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, I’m in for a lonely week—but that is okay. April and Hannah leave tomorrow for Egypt, Brit is gone, and John is in NM for the rest of the week. I have to work Thursday night, but I’m going to my grandparents’ on Friday afternoon. I know I am desperate when I choose to go there. However, I’m taking some good books (Calvin, of course, and a little Andy Stanley), my journal, and a good movie or two. It is going to be a very relaxing time…I’m honestly looking forward to it. I think it will be good for me to just sit back, relax, and be alone with Jesus. Jesus and I have a lot to discuss, so this weekend should bring about some interesting revelations.
Its funny, this whole loving Jesus thing. It changes a lot about you…which is the point. I seem to be so consumed by Him–it is an obsession, an infatuation. I cannot get enough of Him, I need Him every hour. I am constantly aware of His presence–I love to sit quietly and know that He is right there. I am lying in bed at this moment, and it is as though I could turn over and stare into His eyes, and we could talk for hours. He is here, I can feel it.
Peter and I are in contact with each other again. Quite frankly, I have yet to see the brilliance of that idea. Tenatively, I will say that there is a part of me that misses him. If I say it softly, I might not hear. I emailed him and brought up a couple of things we need to talk about…he is not going to email me back. We are both too stubborn to pick up a phone, so we just email each other and ignore what we don’t want to talk about. Maybe it isn’t so important to try to fix the past…maybe we both need to take a deep breath and move on. Huh.

The germs in my house are screaming at me..I have to go kill them. I love disinfecting things.

Thought of the day:
I cannot be who I am becoming without realizing that parts of me will never change; in fact, those parts are the foundation of the me that is yet to come.

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December 26, 2005 at 3:25 am (Uncategorized)

The thing about the past is that it never really goes away. By the grace of God, I am no longer bound to it—but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t enter my thoughts. It seems that every year, the sacredness of the holidays is marred by thoughts of my past. It was right around this time several years ago, that I finally realized my need for Christ. In about a month, I will come upon a day that marks 8 years of following Him. Despite my conflicting feelings, I think it is finally time for me to look back on all that has transpired. This is ground that has seldom been tread upon…and I certainly do not look forward to the steps now.
I have been reading “Into the Depths of God” by Calvin Miller. In my attempts to pursue holiness, I have forgotten something: I cannot dive deeper into Christ until I throw off everything that hinders. I can only pursue holiness as far as the ties to my past will allow. It is as though I am running on a treadmill and wondering why I haven’t gotten anywhere—we all know that distance only comes when you run on the ground. God calls us out of the tide pools of our past, so He can show us what true depth is. I am a new creation in Christ, and it is time for me to act like it.

I’m not done thinking about this…I just don’t think I can correctly word what is in my head. It will come…it will come.

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December 25, 2005 at 7:25 pm (Uncategorized)

Christmas has come, and is almost gone. I don’t know if I can put into words what it was like to open gifts with my family this year. David, Connie, and Charlotte were all here this year…it made for a full house. I loved buying gifts this time around…there was something about extending my list to include people who are at my home for this holiday. My favorite was watching Charlotte open all of her gifts, something from everyone, and attempting to put myself in her shoes. How overwhelmed she must have felt to be surrounded with people who actually love her, and will love her, no matter what. And how incredible to watch her spend her first Christmas truly knowing Jesus Christ. I know this Christmas has been hard for her, I just hope it was a little easier than she expected it to be.
The Christmas Eve service was fantastic. I watched Kyle preach to over 100 kids about the real meaning of Christmas. As he read the story of Christ, pictures flashed upon the screen, depicting a “Precious Moment” type story. Then, as we took the Lord’s Supper, I felt overwhelmed at the price He paid. He knew, even as a small child, what He had come to do. How amazing…how beautiful.
I’ve chosen to take a different route for my degree. I will not be moving to Bartlesville. There are a lot of things that went into that decision. When it comes down to it, my primary goal is to pursue holiness as fast and as hard as I can, and Bartlesville isn’t on that road.
I’m very emotional tonight. I can’t seem to put my finger on why…I just feel so thankful. I have such an amazing family–they have stood behind me for the last 21 years. I have been blessed with incredible friends. I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to watch their ministries grow, and to be a part of it via prayer. It is time for me to realize the power and the necessity of prayer. I have such an amazing God, Who pursues me even when I pursue something else. He has chosen to love me in spite of my mistakes, and He wants to use me to portray His grace. Who am I to show the world Who He is? Truth be told, I am nothing, but He is everything for me.

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December 24, 2005 at 3:35 pm (Uncategorized)

I love the ironic. I shut down my last xanga because too many people knew about it. Now, I’ve opened a new one, and not told a soul. I’m posting on a public website and keeping it private. That makes my day.
My written journal is more organized chaos…I think that happens when you attempt to hand-write something for a long period of time. Your hand gets tired, and it affects your brain…then it looks like chaos and it sounds like chaos. However, as long as it looks like it sounds, I’m okay.
I love the holidays. It is Christmas Eve, and I’m about to go to a Christmas Eve Service (how appropriate). I’m looking forward to it…there is something about this day that seems so sacred. All theology and speculation aside, it is the night before Jesus was born. 2000 years ago, the world was doomed to hell. How quickly that changed with the birth of a child. Childbirth is emotional anyways, but how amazing that the Messiah chose that route to enter the world.
My house is full this holiday season. I love it…I think I have always loved having a full house. My brother and sister-in-law are living with us while they make offers on a house. A wonderful 17-year-old is living with us, as is my uncle. It is a great time.
To all who are not reading (which should include everyone), have a Merry Christmas. I pray that the Lord blesses you this holiday season, and reveals Himself to you in ways you could have never imagined.

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